Dial M for Mood Swings

I have recently been diagnosed with a mild form of multiple personality disorder, more commonly known as mood dependence or mood swings. This revelation would certainly explain my sudden bouts of memory loss particularly during exams. With this in mind, I decided to investigate a few of my illustrious peers, to decide upon the next course of action.

Ambi/Remo/Anniyan - Probably the most famous example in  this corner of the world. Ambi (pronounced 'humpy' with  a silent h) is a fundamentally sad person who has 2 major goals in his life and spawns 2 alternative identities to achieve said goals, the lover a.k.a Remo (pronounced 'Ray-Moo' generally with a soft moan) and the hair model "The ANNIYAN" ( pronounced "aargh!!" ). As a side story "The ANNIYAN" also wants to punish negligence, lack of compassion (etc) and therefore embarks on a killing spree. In the end the truth is discovered and he is sent to a secret facility *cough* Arkham *cough* for treatment. 

Contrary to popular belief this was not simply a technique used to conveniently separate the 3 main aspects a standard Tamil film (humour, romance and violence) and illustrate how they join together as one package in the end like a film making workshop.This was in fact a genuinely serious film as clearly demonstrated by Yana Gupta's meaningful cameo. The important fact to note is that he was treated with compassion and sent for experimentation treatment. 

Pregnancy - The oldest known example. Fully licensed to go cuckoo whenever and wherever they may please. Out of respect for my mother I will not make any jokes here. They are treated with reverence, extreme respect and no small amount of caution.

At this juncture I must point out that MPD seems to be spreading quite rapidly, since some of my friends too, seem to have suddenly spawned alternative identities, with a desire to save the environment as is evident here and here. To me however, the phrase going green will always mean one and only one thing.

Which in turn brings me to my third example "THE HULK". As with all changes in nature, the presence of a driving force is necessary to induce MPD. The hulk is splendid example in the category of "Artificially induced multiple personality disorder" or AIMPD in short (ie) the inducing of cuckooness through the effect of any external chemical agents on the body. Note: pregnancy does not come under this category.

In THE HULK's case it is gamma rays.  As a result of experiments which he performed on himself, Bruce Banner, whenever he gets angry transforms into the person we have all come to know and love. 

Please note that he is not however "your friendly neighbourhood HULK" and if you tick him off, he will eat you. The HULK is being unfairly hunted by governments (racism's latest avatar) and as a consequence has gone into hiding. Those who knew him well describe him to be a deeply religious and pious human being.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - An example from classical literature. The severity of the condition necessitated special drugs to bring him back to his normal state. Nobody knows what actually happened to him. This lack of evidence leads me to believe that this story may be fictitious.

For today's internet savvy generation, perhaps the most prominent yet unnoticed example        

This is rumored to be the plot origin for Anniyan.

This wide disparity in public reaction to these cases has forced me to keep my secret under wraps. Hence, I have decided that my alter ego will remain hidden until such time as the world needs her.

PS: No offence meant to anybody

Note: Smileys courtesy eternal thinker

Senor "Bend it"ez

Rafa Benitez has always been accused of showing no emotion, not celebrating even when we score a winning penalty shootout kick. His passion towards the cause has been questioned. Riera recently accused him of being too cold and aloof towards the players, even during training.

Well get a load of this !!


Go to 0:22 and 1:38 

Hope that will be the BPL trophy next year. sigh!

Little more practice on holdup play then ?

You steal, I steal

Scientific calculator Rs.700

Sony ericsson k750i Rs.7500

Ipod touch Rs.17000

The look on a guy's face when all of these are flicked from his room when he goes to pee - absolutely priceless.

      This heart breaking incident was followed up with our victim posting up an ip condemning this act and asking the pepetrator to "search for humanity within yourself", presumably to persuade the guy to return the afore mentioned items. Obviously his wallet was stolen the next day, prompting a more muted ip this time. Reminds me of an smail spam thread titled 'Why did you "thefting" my laptop'. Last I heard they were debating the merits and demerits of wearing 'glow in the dark' socks.

This story led me to reflect on my own experiences as a robbery victim. It was not long ago, just a couple of weeks actually, and in my case it was not by stealth, but by force. I knew what was coming. I knew the culprit but I could do nothing to protect myself or my belonging(s).
  It happened on my way to class. I was walking to CLT via guru when I saw him. We eyed each other for a moment, each sizing the other up. Then our gazes dropped simultaneously towards the olive coloured, pear shaped, pear in my hands. He wanted it. I could sense it. Fear crept up within me. I turned expectantly,to my friend who was walking right next to me, or so I thought. Instead I found him running back to guru hogging his own bloody apple. "$#@#&...". A friend in need indeed. So, with my hopes of Jackie Chan-Cris Tucker style kung-fu whoop ass double team dashed, I rapidly evaluated my options:

Option 1
Seduction
I unbuttoned my top button and rolled up my sleeves. Clearly I was doing something wrong because his focus remained on the pear. I had embarassed myself for no reason.

Strike one

Option 2
Move super fast before he blinks and stick a carrot through his eye. But that would mean copyright violation. Clive Owen would fry my ass.

Strike two

While I was contemplating all this I hadn't noticed that he had made his move and was now barely two inches from me. Eeek!!.

That brings me to option 3

Run away screaming like a little girl. I did.

Strike three.

Monkey stole my fruit.

Needless to say it took days for my trauma to subside. Why would he do that? Why would he "thefting" my pear? Most of my wing mates have also had stuff stolen from them by monkeys. One particular rumour is that a monkey stole his virginity.

       Such horrible acts have caused so many wars, and conflicts through the ages, but they never learn. Like the Trojan war for example, cos Paris stole Helen. This is a scandalous practice, in the leagues of John Terry or Ashley Cole.

 (Incidentally when questioned on that affair a Man U fan had this to say

"Machan, they should both be dropped da. Capello should just pick Owen instead."

 Beat that Carlton Palmer.)

Anyway as I was saying. Pls don't "thefting" anymore.

Its all relative

It starts as a simple question. "what happens after death ?". Apparently 'researchers' have after significant amount of study concluded that... nothing happens after death. To be clear on this apparently some part of ur brain shuts down.. blah blah blah... so in the end you as a person cease to exist. But the question arises what about the notion of a soul , heaven and more importantly hell. How can we concretely state that they are non existent ?
The fact remains that the doctors had nothing to do with the after life. They are all still alive so they are not qualified to speak about death. They studied physical specimens and presented their findings, .. inherently assuming that they were of a superior intelligence ? But how do we know that is true ? That brings us to the million dollar question. Based on the same arguement how do we know if anything is true ? After all what is 'truth' ?

The whole world could just be a figment of your imagination or heaven forbid a computer program ( think matrix, haven't seen it go die.. painfully). We as humans consider ourselves to have a sixth sense and hence superior to animals. That is an incredibly stupid arguement. Any superior intelligence might well be capable of making us believe it is not so, false sense of security if you will. After all the greatest trick the devil ever pulled off was convincing the world he didn't exist. So every thing we do or know is in fact completely relative or POV dependant. From our POV humans rock!! In reality we could just be pawns in a game of some higher force like ants in ant hill . The earth could just be a marble. Creatures with crooked glasses could be lookin at you as you reads this. Pigs could be the most advanced life forms on this planet, if it is a planet that is. After all pigs are pink. There has to be something there.

How do you know you are not dreaming right now. You can't pinch yourself in a dream.

The whole world could just be an experiment, perhaps to find the ultimate question. So essentially everything is RELATIVE. No absolutes.

To quote Agent K from men in black "Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow. "

For a more specific case take the example of a bull as in a bullock cart. From its POV we feed it, take care of it and in return it just has to walk here and there. Further more, once a year we organise a festival for them to hurt or worse kill us (jallikattu). Does that sound smart ?

Throughout the ages there has always been the concept of right and wrong. Now that you have read this you must realise the flaw in that. How can there be such a classification of absolutes when nothing is absolute ? What seems wrong to you could be justified in someone else's eyes.
Most people are devastatingly good looking ... in their own eyes

So the fact of the matter is there is no right and wrong, no truth or lies, no live or dead , nothing.
Nobody knows anything. Everything is relative. But again that in itself is an absolute statement. Hmm a paradox... or is it. This is why there are so many contradictions in this article. So in effect we can't even say its all relative. So what can we say ?
[insert philosophical comment here]

Remember... there is no spoon!

Men are from Mars but...

Exploring the difference between the male and female psyches.
Ask your self theses 2 questions:
1.You are working on a big project on a tight deadline when you hit a snag.You want one way when your teammate,say Bob strongly disagrees .To break the deadlock,you:
a)Present your position,listen to the other side,then fashion a compromise
b)Punch Bob
2.Your favorite football team is about to win the championship,but the victory is stolen away by a bad decision by the referee.You:
a)Remember that its just a game and that there are better things in life.
b)Punch Bob
If you answered B on both occasions, congratulations you are male.If A was your preferred choice, you are either female,gay or overtly metro sexual.
Some psychology researchers delving into them male and female psyche(and no doubt eating up huge research grants) have made an astounding discovery-wait for it-men and women are different.
They reached this conclusion after studying humans and rats,which are extremely similar to humans except they are not stupid enough to do drugs or buy lottery tickets.
The researcher’s studies show that when men are under stress they respond by either fighting or running away.Females, respond it seems by nurturing others and making friends.This is big news it seems in the psychology community,which is apparently located on some distant planet.We, here on Earth, know that if two men bump into each other in a corridor,they’ll go like
A:Machan,Watch it!
B:Fucker.You watch it!
A:Oh yeah!
(they bump into each other again)
If instead there were two women:
A:So Sorry.
B:No,it’s my fault.
A:Say,thats a nice T-Shirt!
(They go shopping together)
If these “researchers” need further proof,just look at how men and women shower:
Women:
Take off clothing.
Place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to light and dark shades.Wear a bathrobe.If you see husband along the way,cover up any exposed areas.Look at womanly physique in mirror.Make mental note to do more exercise,sit ups,leg lifts,etc.Wash face with all natural facial scrub for 10 minutes.Wash hair with cucmber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.Repeat to make sure hair is clean.Condition hair with mint conditioner with real passion fruit.Shave body hair.Get out and stand exactly on bathmat.Dry with a towel the size of a country.Return with towel wrapped on head.
Men:
Take off clothes in bedroom and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to bathroom.If you see wife along the way,shake wiener at her and make woo-woo sounds.
Admire “equipment” in mirror and scratch your butt.Get into shower and wash face.Blow nose in hand and let water rinse it off.Wash hair,make a shampoo Mohawk.Pee.
Avoid bathmat.Dry off forearms and butt only.
I think psychology researchers should find out if these syndromes exist in other species.They could put rats into a cage with a gun and some lipstick and find out what happens.My guess is there would be some fighting,Between the male researchers I mean.Its a shame this male aggression.Which has caused many horrible problems like war and football.It makes me ashamed of my gender.I think I am going to punch Bob.

written by a friend. (excuse vulgarity if any)